***I have to admit, I didn't write this. At a time when I was really, REALLY down emotionally and struggling with my teenager, a friend took all of my thoughts, added some wisdom, and sent me this letter to give to my teenager. I'm thinking about delivering it again.***You know, you're my son and I love you to pieces. I know we haven't lived the lives of kings and princes, but I have to say that in all things, and at every time, I have tried the best that I can within my personal abilities.
I've tried to show you a way of living that I know will bring the best possibilities of the future to YOUR life. You're just going to have to reconcile with that in the best way you know how to, according to YOUR own abilities.
So as you go on in your journey, there are a few things I need for you to realize.
First of all, the bigger part of your life, I don't have any control over.
I can help you decide where to rest your head tonight and put some clothes on you so you don't have to run around naked, and give you some money for some food so you're not hungry this afternoon, and may give you some direction as to where to go to get good information and education for yourself. But that's about all I can really do.
After that, it's all you, buddy. I can't tell you how to think, where to go, who to like, what to like and how to act. So I'm just going to impart a few truths on ya. What you do with them is your decision. You're a smart kid, so let's talk about the bigger picture of life. I think you can handle it.
God in His pure goodness loves you ...yes, I mean YOU...more than your smart brain can even conceive.
In order to see what I'm talking about here, you need to have the ability to take a giant step backward and try to look at your life and the world from far away...as if it were really small sitting on the kitchen table or something. That's also a difficult thing for people in their teen years to do because, quite frankly, they've not reached that point in their human development where they can see past "me" all the time.
If you actually watched yourself for a day and took a stopwatch and counted the number of minutes you spend thinking about you and yourself and your situation, as opposed to time thought about other people and their problems and how you can help them, you would know what I mean.
Look at how you spend your time thinking and acting. You only have so much time, Jeff. You're not going to last forever. Only you can decide how you want to spend each and every minute of your life.
Secondly, you need to realize that you are hormonal.
Essentially what this means for you right now is that every emotion that you would normally feel as a younger child or as an adult is multiplied by about 30.
Whatever it is that you are feeling at a given time, you will feel with more passion than you really want to. If you're angry, you'll get REALLY angry. If you're sad, you'll feel REALLY sad. If you're in love, you'll feel REALLY in love. If you're lonely, you'll feel REALLY lonely.
This is a product of just being the age that you are right now. It's called "teenage years" and it will pass. It's like having the measles for 6-7 years. It will get better, I promise. Unfortunately, we all had to go through it.
The thing you have to do is be able to navigate your way through this perilous time without causing any permanent damage. How do you do that???
Words and actions are weapons and they can kill or cure. A lot of teenagers at this time in their lives let their bodies take over because their souls haven't been nurtured and aren't strong enough to be in charge.
They also let their hormonal selves react strongly to whatever is going on around them. It's like scratching a bad itch. So they yell at their parents, they drink, smoke, do drugs, sex, blah, blah, blah. And when they realize that these things aren't really helping...when they still don't feel the glow of inner peace and love they are really missing, when they realize they are just messing themselves up even more...they often commit suicide.
Lastly, you need to know that there is a very real struggle going on this world between the forces of good and the forces of evil.
And the evil forces in the world are always there, every minute of the day, trying to make you believe that He and that His goodness doesn't even exist.
They want you to fail. They want you to screw up BIG TIME so that they can dump more and more on you. They want you to acquire bad virtues so they can keep dragging you down farther and farther to be with them and like them.
Obviously, as a mother (you'll understand this someday when you're a father) that's really not where I want to see you go. When I say that I've wanted you to acquire "the best possibilities for your future", essentially, I mean things that are going to really help you ....weapons and tools (per se) to help you get through this life on its perilous paths.
Being a selfish mother, I want the best for my son.
The evil forces of the world want to give you gifts like this:
Doubt (along with fear, one of their BEST weapons and they whisper them into your brain on a daily basis)
"I doubt anybody really loves me. They say they do, but it doesn't feel like they do."
"I couldn't ever get into that great school. It's only for really smart people and my parents could never afford it anyway." (No possibilities are even considered after that point)
"It really doesn't matter what I do, no one cares. No one notices. No one is looking."
"I doubt, I can't, I'm not up to it, I'm not able, I don't believe." This causes people to stop whatever course of action they might have otherwise taken, without even taking the time or putting for the effort to ask for other's input as to the possibilities and potentials. Hope is dimmed.
Fear
"If I don't act this certain way, someone will hurt me."
"If I don't wear these clothes like this, people won't like me."
"If I say (or don't say) certain things, this other group of kids won't think I'm cool."
Fear causes people to act in certain ways that they might not otherwise really want to act.
Pride
"My parents are idiots. They can't even run their own lives and be successful like some other people I know. How can I expect them to want to run my life?" (There's a little envy mixed in with that statement, too. Can you see it?)
"My teacher is a jerk. I could teach this class better than they could. Why do I bother to show up?"
"I'm the only one that really matters in the world. I'll do what's best for me. Screw everyone else."
Laziness
"What does it matter if I work the hardest I can on this project or just get by to pass? Nobody will look at my grades anyway. They'll curve the class.
"My parents are the ones who should keep the house clean all the time. After all, it's their house. I just live here."
"I am so tired. I'm not going to church or youth group today. I just don't feel like it."
Greed and Envy (encourage discontentedness with what you have, where you are and who you are)
"Why did this happen to me?"
"They get all the good stuff all the time"
"I don't look as good as THAT person does."
These are just a few examples of bad virtues. They are all negative and discourage things like good communication, humility and kindness.
I want things for you like:
...real inner peace, no matter what your struggles are. This is a crazy, messed up world. God never promised us happiness, but He does offer real joy and peace and contentment, in all your struggles all the time. But it doesn't come naturally. Like everything else in this world, it's something you have to look for and work at… day in and day out.
...wisdom, (the way God sees things) to see the REAL truths that surround you, not what others want you to think, so they can use you for their purposes.
...prudence, to be able to judge correctly when to act and how to act and how much to act....and when not to act... in order so that the future outcome of your actions will have ended up being the best choice possible for you and others in the long run as time unfolds and events in your life are played out.
...temperance, to be able to keep your bodily passions in check. Our bodies are like space-suits that God put over our souls in order so that we can interact with our earthly surroundings. They are pretty nifty little inventions, but they come with a few flaws and defects that give us challenges and get us into trouble from time to time. They get hungry, thirsty, greedy, lustful, lazy, prideful, and envious. Our bodies and souls are held together in a very delicate balance by our will and our integrity.
Our will is composed of our choices. Our integrity is our own ability to hold it all together, to be in control, no matter what our bodies or other people are telling us. Temperance is our ability to fine-tune our actions.
...hope, to keep in the forefront of your mind and heart all that could be, not necessarily what is before you. Creations and inventions are all products of hope.
...self-discipline, to get yourself to do the really hard things that you know are ultimately going to get you to the really great places in life. Like sometimes, a person might go past the lounge at their office first thing in the morning and see the everyday spread of donuts and pastries that is always sitting there.
Initially, their brain might say, “I think that 4 or 5 donuts might be a pretty good thing this morning." But ultimately, they know that their body will be better off if it did not ingest 4-5 donuts every morning 5 days a week all year for 20 years. So self-discipline is called upon to get the body to do the thing that is ultimately going to be the best thing for it.
Certainly, people who are in college understand just how important self-discipline is to the ultimate success of their endeavor to graduate. "Should I party or study? Hmmmmmmm..."
...fortitude, to carry out the actions that require more creativity, ingenuity and guts than the average person on the street has. Successful people nurture the growth of fortitude within themselves. It often causes you to take a deep breath before you take that first step toward whatever goal you are seeking. It feels scary and uncertain at first, and gets easier after it has been affirmed by success. It is gained by reading the ways of other successful people and learning from them. It doesn't always come easy, except to those who might be very needy.
...courage and perseverance, to help you persevere in the things of goodness when it's the hardest...when you don't get instant results...when you can't see the benefit of what you're trying to do right away. Especially to keep doing the right thing when you're tired, hungry, sick, depressed, rejected or oppressed. When these things come about, it gets easy to give in to the bad things.
...FAITH, to believe without seeing that the good you are trying to do really is working. To offer up things to God, trusting that He takes all your good desires and efforts and does with them whatever is ultimately going to be in your best interest and the interests of others.
If you could physically see and know instantly the result of all your actions and prayers, it would be a no-brainer. You wouldn't need faith, would you?
Imagine this. Let's say, for instance, that you prayed a small prayer one morning to God, asking Him that, today could there be a little breakthrough in world peace.
So your angel takes your prayer and places it before the throne of God. Your angel says, "God, Jeff has been having some trouble lately, and he's really inside of himself right now, but this morning, he did something different. He was thinking about the people on the other side of the world who are having trouble just finding a secure place to sleep for the night. I bring a message of hope from him. He wants to know if we can have a peaceful day on earth today."
And God says, "Wow, that's pretty cool. That's what I want too. If only more people would wish for it."
And so, he sends His angel down to, say, Iraq, where another young, angry teenager has just strapped a bomb on to his back and is getting ready to walk into the corner restaurant full of people and end his life and theirs. (Because someone has told him the non-truth that this action will bring world peace and he didn't have the prudence tool to judge whether this is correct or not.)
On his way to the restaurant, the angel sends an old friend of the family into his path who stops him to say that they will be celebrating their daughter's birthday that afternoon, and she would really love it if he could make it to the gathering. She mentions that she will be serving one of his favorite desserts. The young man thinks about it and decides that this will not be the day to end his life after all.
Now you understand completely that your small prayer was directly responsible for the peace that reigned on that street-corner that day and in the world and in the lives of all those people. Think of all the funerals that didn't happen and all the tears that were not cried. So I ask you...would you pray again?
Sure you would. Because you had firsthand knowledge of how things really work, you would pray like it was your job!! People would think you were a maniac. But you would know the truth, and what effect you, Jeff, were personally having on the rest of the world.
But God wants your trust… your complete trust. It takes courage, but He wants it and He rewards it greatly. So He gives us faith to practice.
Now, you can think that all this sounds like a fairy tale, or you can also choose to believe that this is the way it really works, in and outside of time.
But I will add that sometimes the things that are the hardest to believe in, well...they are things we need to believe in the most in life.
The forces of God (good) want you to know all about the tools that are going to bring you REAL happiness and peace...the things I mentioned above...gifts of Holy Spirit...does this sound familiar?? This is what the Catholic faith, for instance, is REALLY all about.
It's about how much God loves you and wants you to be the best version of yourself you can possibly become, in order so that His dreams for your life may be carried out.
So, what does all this mean for you today? Right now? If you want to begin becoming the best version of yourself, how do you start?
With something very simple. You see, the forces of bad and evil are very smart. Way smarter than we humans. We like to think we're pretty smart, but honestly, we're not. Not their kind of smart. And they notice everything you do. And they encourage you to be just like them.
Now, I'm just a dumb human. But even I can figure out when somebody isn't into the 'good' things in life. Like all the things that God wants for us.
So, if I (capital I) can figure that out, then for sure the big evil guy has also figured that out. And HE knows that if your heart is not open to God, that it IS open to him. And if he can get you to an ugly, evil place, then you will help him get other souls to that ugly, evil place.
So just talk to Jesus. Before you go to sleep, talk to Jesus and re-commit yourself to being HIS guy.
Go to what a cool guy named Matthew Kelly calls the "classroom of silence". Silence is where God speaks directly to you. Especially if you just go sit in a church and talk to Him face to face. He'll tell you more about all the important things than I could ever hope to.
We are given the freedom of many choices in this world. We can want good virtues or bad virtues. And I promise you that what you surround yourself with, you will become. Books, magazines, music, people, words, jobs… they all have a profound effect on shaping and molding our lives.
Pray. Why not give it a try?
Prayer is simply talking to God to find out what it is that He wants for you. You'll never know until you ask.
is week.***I've tried to show you a way of living that I know will bring the best possibilities of the future to YOUR life. You're just going to have to reconcile with that in the best way you know how to, according to YOUR own abilities.
So as you go on in your journey, there are a few things I need for you to realize.
First of all, the bigger part of your life, I don't have any control over.
I can help you decide where to rest your head tonight and put some clothes on you so you don't have to run around naked, and give you some money for some food so you're not hungry this afternoon, and may give you some direction as to where to go to get good information and education for yourself. But that's about all I can really do.
After that, it's all you, buddy. I can't tell you how to think, where to go, who to like, what to like and how to act. So I'm just going to impart a few truths on ya. What you do with them is your decision. You're a smart kid, so let's talk about the bigger picture of life. I think you can handle it.
God in His pure goodness loves you ...yes, I mean YOU...more than your smart brain can even conceive.
In order to see what I'm talking about here, you need to have the ability to take a giant step backward and try to look at your life and the world from far away...as if it were really small sitting on the kitchen table or something. That's also a difficult thing for people in their teen years to do because, quite frankly, they've not reached that point in their human development where they can see past "me" all the time.
If you actually watched yourself for a day and took a stopwatch and counted the number of minutes you spend thinking about you and yourself and your situation, as opposed to time thought about other people and their problems and how you can help them, you would know what I mean.
Look at how you spend your time thinking and acting. You only have so much time, Jeff. You're not going to last forever. Only you can decide how you want to spend each and every minute of your life.
Secondly, you need to realize that you are hormonal.
Essentially what this means for you right now is that every emotion that you would normally feel as a younger child or as an adult is multiplied by about 30.
Whatever it is that you are feeling at a given time, you will feel with more passion than you really want to. If you're angry, you'll get REALLY angry. If you're sad, you'll feel REALLY sad. If you're in love, you'll feel REALLY in love. If you're lonely, you'll feel REALLY lonely.
This is a product of just being the age that you are right now. It's called "teenage years" and it will pass. It's like having the measles for 6-7 years. It will get better, I promise. Unfortunately, we all had to go through it.
The thing you have to do is be able to navigate your way through this perilous time without causing any permanent damage. How do you do that???
Words and actions are weapons and they can kill or cure. A lot of teenagers at this time in their lives let their bodies take over because their souls haven't been nurtured and aren't strong enough to be in charge.
They also let their hormonal selves react strongly to whatever is going on around them. It's like scratching a bad itch. So they yell at their parents, they drink, smoke, do drugs, sex, blah, blah, blah. And when they realize that these things aren't really helping...when they still don't feel the glow of inner peace and love they are really missing, when they realize they are just messing themselves up even more...they often commit suicide.
Lastly, you need to know that there is a very real struggle going on this world between the forces of good and the forces of evil.
And the evil forces in the world are always there, every minute of the day, trying to make you believe that He and that His goodness doesn't even exist.
They want you to fail. They want you to screw up BIG TIME so that they can dump more and more on you. They want you to acquire bad virtues so they can keep dragging you down farther and farther to be with them and like them.
Obviously, as a mother (you'll understand this someday when you're a father) that's really not where I want to see you go. When I say that I've wanted you to acquire "the best possibilities for your future", essentially, I mean things that are going to really help you ....weapons and tools (per se) to help you get through this life on its perilous paths.
Being a selfish mother, I want the best for my son.
The evil forces of the world want to give you gifts like this:
Doubt (along with fear, one of their BEST weapons and they whisper them into your brain on a daily basis)
"I doubt anybody really loves me. They say they do, but it doesn't feel like they do."
"I couldn't ever get into that great school. It's only for really smart people and my parents could never afford it anyway." (No possibilities are even considered after that point)
"It really doesn't matter what I do, no one cares. No one notices. No one is looking."
"I doubt, I can't, I'm not up to it, I'm not able, I don't believe." This causes people to stop whatever course of action they might have otherwise taken, without even taking the time or putting for the effort to ask for other's input as to the possibilities and potentials. Hope is dimmed.
Fear
"If I don't act this certain way, someone will hurt me."
"If I don't wear these clothes like this, people won't like me."
"If I say (or don't say) certain things, this other group of kids won't think I'm cool."
Fear causes people to act in certain ways that they might not otherwise really want to act.
Pride
"My parents are idiots. They can't even run their own lives and be successful like some other people I know. How can I expect them to want to run my life?" (There's a little envy mixed in with that statement, too. Can you see it?)
"My teacher is a jerk. I could teach this class better than they could. Why do I bother to show up?"
"I'm the only one that really matters in the world. I'll do what's best for me. Screw everyone else."
Laziness
"What does it matter if I work the hardest I can on this project or just get by to pass? Nobody will look at my grades anyway. They'll curve the class.
"My parents are the ones who should keep the house clean all the time. After all, it's their house. I just live here."
"I am so tired. I'm not going to church or youth group today. I just don't feel like it."
Greed and Envy (encourage discontentedness with what you have, where you are and who you are)
"Why did this happen to me?"
"They get all the good stuff all the time"
"I don't look as good as THAT person does."
These are just a few examples of bad virtues. They are all negative and discourage things like good communication, humility and kindness.
I want things for you like:
...real inner peace, no matter what your struggles are. This is a crazy, messed up world. God never promised us happiness, but He does offer real joy and peace and contentment, in all your struggles all the time. But it doesn't come naturally. Like everything else in this world, it's something you have to look for and work at… day in and day out.
...wisdom, (the way God sees things) to see the REAL truths that surround you, not what others want you to think, so they can use you for their purposes.
...prudence, to be able to judge correctly when to act and how to act and how much to act....and when not to act... in order so that the future outcome of your actions will have ended up being the best choice possible for you and others in the long run as time unfolds and events in your life are played out.
...temperance, to be able to keep your bodily passions in check. Our bodies are like space-suits that God put over our souls in order so that we can interact with our earthly surroundings. They are pretty nifty little inventions, but they come with a few flaws and defects that give us challenges and get us into trouble from time to time. They get hungry, thirsty, greedy, lustful, lazy, prideful, and envious. Our bodies and souls are held together in a very delicate balance by our will and our integrity.
Our will is composed of our choices. Our integrity is our own ability to hold it all together, to be in control, no matter what our bodies or other people are telling us. Temperance is our ability to fine-tune our actions.
...hope, to keep in the forefront of your mind and heart all that could be, not necessarily what is before you. Creations and inventions are all products of hope.
...self-discipline, to get yourself to do the really hard things that you know are ultimately going to get you to the really great places in life. Like sometimes, a person might go past the lounge at their office first thing in the morning and see the everyday spread of donuts and pastries that is always sitting there.
Initially, their brain might say, “I think that 4 or 5 donuts might be a pretty good thing this morning." But ultimately, they know that their body will be better off if it did not ingest 4-5 donuts every morning 5 days a week all year for 20 years. So self-discipline is called upon to get the body to do the thing that is ultimately going to be the best thing for it.
Certainly, people who are in college understand just how important self-discipline is to the ultimate success of their endeavor to graduate. "Should I party or study? Hmmmmmmm..."
...fortitude, to carry out the actions that require more creativity, ingenuity and guts than the average person on the street has. Successful people nurture the growth of fortitude within themselves. It often causes you to take a deep breath before you take that first step toward whatever goal you are seeking. It feels scary and uncertain at first, and gets easier after it has been affirmed by success. It is gained by reading the ways of other successful people and learning from them. It doesn't always come easy, except to those who might be very needy.
...courage and perseverance, to help you persevere in the things of goodness when it's the hardest...when you don't get instant results...when you can't see the benefit of what you're trying to do right away. Especially to keep doing the right thing when you're tired, hungry, sick, depressed, rejected or oppressed. When these things come about, it gets easy to give in to the bad things.
...FAITH, to believe without seeing that the good you are trying to do really is working. To offer up things to God, trusting that He takes all your good desires and efforts and does with them whatever is ultimately going to be in your best interest and the interests of others.
If you could physically see and know instantly the result of all your actions and prayers, it would be a no-brainer. You wouldn't need faith, would you?
Imagine this. Let's say, for instance, that you prayed a small prayer one morning to God, asking Him that, today could there be a little breakthrough in world peace.
So your angel takes your prayer and places it before the throne of God. Your angel says, "God, Jeff has been having some trouble lately, and he's really inside of himself right now, but this morning, he did something different. He was thinking about the people on the other side of the world who are having trouble just finding a secure place to sleep for the night. I bring a message of hope from him. He wants to know if we can have a peaceful day on earth today."
And God says, "Wow, that's pretty cool. That's what I want too. If only more people would wish for it."
And so, he sends His angel down to, say, Iraq, where another young, angry teenager has just strapped a bomb on to his back and is getting ready to walk into the corner restaurant full of people and end his life and theirs. (Because someone has told him the non-truth that this action will bring world peace and he didn't have the prudence tool to judge whether this is correct or not.)
On his way to the restaurant, the angel sends an old friend of the family into his path who stops him to say that they will be celebrating their daughter's birthday that afternoon, and she would really love it if he could make it to the gathering. She mentions that she will be serving one of his favorite desserts. The young man thinks about it and decides that this will not be the day to end his life after all.
Now you understand completely that your small prayer was directly responsible for the peace that reigned on that street-corner that day and in the world and in the lives of all those people. Think of all the funerals that didn't happen and all the tears that were not cried. So I ask you...would you pray again?
Sure you would. Because you had firsthand knowledge of how things really work, you would pray like it was your job!! People would think you were a maniac. But you would know the truth, and what effect you, Jeff, were personally having on the rest of the world.
But God wants your trust… your complete trust. It takes courage, but He wants it and He rewards it greatly. So He gives us faith to practice.
Now, you can think that all this sounds like a fairy tale, or you can also choose to believe that this is the way it really works, in and outside of time.
But I will add that sometimes the things that are the hardest to believe in, well...they are things we need to believe in the most in life.
The forces of God (good) want you to know all about the tools that are going to bring you REAL happiness and peace...the things I mentioned above...gifts of Holy Spirit...does this sound familiar?? This is what the Catholic faith, for instance, is REALLY all about.
It's about how much God loves you and wants you to be the best version of yourself you can possibly become, in order so that His dreams for your life may be carried out.
So, what does all this mean for you today? Right now? If you want to begin becoming the best version of yourself, how do you start?
With something very simple. You see, the forces of bad and evil are very smart. Way smarter than we humans. We like to think we're pretty smart, but honestly, we're not. Not their kind of smart. And they notice everything you do. And they encourage you to be just like them.
Now, I'm just a dumb human. But even I can figure out when somebody isn't into the 'good' things in life. Like all the things that God wants for us.
So, if I (capital I) can figure that out, then for sure the big evil guy has also figured that out. And HE knows that if your heart is not open to God, that it IS open to him. And if he can get you to an ugly, evil place, then you will help him get other souls to that ugly, evil place.
So just talk to Jesus. Before you go to sleep, talk to Jesus and re-commit yourself to being HIS guy.
Go to what a cool guy named Matthew Kelly calls the "classroom of silence". Silence is where God speaks directly to you. Especially if you just go sit in a church and talk to Him face to face. He'll tell you more about all the important things than I could ever hope to.
We are given the freedom of many choices in this world. We can want good virtues or bad virtues. And I promise you that what you surround yourself with, you will become. Books, magazines, music, people, words, jobs… they all have a profound effect on shaping and molding our lives.
Pray. Why not give it a try?
Prayer is simply talking to God to find out what it is that He wants for you. You'll never know until you ask.
1 comment:
WOW! that was awesome. I sent the link to my mom to read as well =) love ya
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