The Sun Is Rising

First of all, I'm feeling much better than I was last weekend.  I am once again depression-free.  Let's see how long I go this time.

I met with my counselor last weekend and he reminded me of all the things we've talked about in the last year, things I should be doing regularly to increase my chances of staying depression-free.  But I get complacent and stop doing them.  So I've created a schedule and put it on my refrigerator to remind me daily.  I need to be moving my body, challenging my mind, and focusing on taking better care of myself EVERY DAY.  So...

What I'm Reading
Fiction:  Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas (James Patterson)
Non-Fiction:  The Catholic Guide to Depression (Aaron Kheriaty, MD) How the Saints, the Sacraments, and Psychiatry Can Help You Break Its Grip and Find Happiness Again
Bible:  The New Testament from the Gospel of Matthew to Revelation.

I've read Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas before, but it was years ago.  It's an easy read and a sweet story.  As for the non-fiction... I have SEVERAL books that I've purchased in the last year or so and haven't taken the time to read them.  Now the time is scheduled on my calendar.  I'm also reading three chapters of the New Testament each day between now and the end of the calendar year.  I should be able to finish it by then.  Then I'll start on the Old Testament.  That'll take me a whole year!

How I'm Moving
Workout - Les Mills Combat 60-day schedule
Walking - three times per week

I love Les Mills Combat.  It's all punching and kicking.  Just over and over again, punching and kicking.  It makes me feel powerful.  But walking is probably the best workout for me right now as I'm so out of shape.  So three times a week, I'm going to get a significant walk in, at least two miles.

There are other things I've scheduled just because I've been slacking on doing them and it's affecting me negatively.

• My journal - I want to journal daily, just vent the good and bad so I can mentally and emotionally move on.
• A clean, organized, comfortable environment - I want to spend 15 - 30 minutes each day focusing on one room in my home, just to maintain a healthy environment without having to spend my entire weekend cleaning.
• A Budget - I want to get back to a strict budget.  I read Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover" last December and want to get back to his suggestions for saving money and getting out of debt.
• Writing - I want to write more often.  I used to write all the time, whether it was just a blog entry or the next chapter in my latest novel.  I miss the writing process and want to spend time on that again.  It'll be mentally challenging as well as creative.

I just want to be a better version of myself.  I want to follow my counselor's suggestions to focus on more positive things, healthier things.  And by doing these things -- moving my body, challenging my mind, and focusing on taking better care of myself -- I'll have a much better chance of fighting off depression before it takes over my life.  And if I do happen to slip into a depression, I'll have several positive options for distracting my mind.

That's my plan.  And I started yesterday.  (I usually wait until the first of something to start anything new.)  Yesterday, I successfully read three chapters of the Gospel of Matthew, read The Catholic Guide to Depression for 30 minutes, straightened my bedroom, and did Combat 30 (which kicked my butt).  Today, I'll take a walk after work, balance my budget, read three more chapters of the Gospel of Matthew, do the laundry, and get a Les Mills Combat workout in... all before having dinner with the girls tonight.  It's all good!

Now my next challenge is sticking with the plan even when I don't feel like it.

New Month, New Challenge

So I'm reading "Do Over" by Jon Acuff.  But as I walked three miles this morning, I listened to another Jon Acuff book, "Start".  I love the subtitles of this book... "Punch fear in the face.  Escape average.  Do work that matters."  I only walked for an hour, but I listened to the first two chapters of the book.  I'm already looking forward to listening to another chapter or so when I do this same walk tomorrow morning.

I find myself wanting to start new things on the first.  The first of the month is ideal, but the first day of the week works sometimes too.  I'm really not any good at starting something on a Thursday unless that happens to be the first day of the month.  But today is Saturday, the first of August.  It was a perfect day for starting something new.  Today, I started walking again.

I walked the SummerFest 5k route, though my FitBit insists that I only did 2.63 miles.  Still, it was a good walk and I feel great.  Like I said, I'll do it again tomorrow.  That's the plan!

I'm also going to make sure I spend time reading.  I want to do that every day. I'm in the middle of reading two different books.  And every week or so, I find another book I want to read.  I'll never get through all of those books if I don't spend some time reading every day.

This is what I'm reading right now...

1. Do Over - Jon Acuff
2. Total Forgiveness - R. T. Kendall

This is what I have on deck...

1. The Catholic Guide to Depression: How the Saints, the Sacraments, and Psychiatry Can Help You Break Its Grip and Find Happiness Again - Aaron Kheriarty, MD with Fr. John Cihak, STD
2. WordPress Web Design for Dummies
3. Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World - Michael Hyatt
4. The Yahoo! Style Guide: The Ultimate Sourcebook for Writing, Editing, and Creating Content for the Digital World

A couple of those are more for reference than for reading.  But I'll skim through them nonetheless.  I want to get my professional blog up and running and start pitching for freelance jobs.  So I bought a couple/few books to help out with that hustle. And I have another James Patterson book in the mail.  And I love me some fiction, so that one will likely jump to the top of the list.

I love to read.  I just need to make more time for it.  I need to make it a priority.  I'll learn a lot more from reading that I will from watching reruns of "The Waltons", regardless of how relaxing it might feel.  I've gotten into the habit of coming home from work, getting comfortable, and sitting in front of that wholesome family for a couple of hours decompressing from my day.  But it's not very productive.  I need to be/want to be a little more productive.  So I've challenged myself to spending that time walking and then reading.  It'll be good for me.  Just maybe not at the same time.

I think I want a do over.

I recently started reading "Do Over" by Jon Acuff.  This is coming to me at such a great time.  I don't have kids' activities to run around for.  I don't have a spouse who expects meals on the table at a specific time.  My time is my own.  And I really want to take advantage of this season in my life to pursue a lifelong hobby.

I'm not going to spell out the book word for word.  But it explains that as kids, we knew we had the power to yell "Do over!" and we'd try again.  Why can't we do that still as an adult?  If you want to read this book when I'm done with it, let me know!

The good news is it's never too late to declare a Do Over. [Jon Acuff, "Do Over", page 19]

I also recently joined a really positive group on Facebook called "30 Days of Hustle."  It's more than 14,000 people who are 'hustling' towards a goal.  Their goals are anything from learning sign language so they can communicate with their deaf toddler to learning a new skill that makes them more marketable in their careers.  They spend their free time learning these skills for a purpose.  And I've joined them.

I've always enjoyed writing and have decided to learn more about freelance writing.  My hopes are that I can improve my writing to a point where I'm earning some extra money doing it.  My initial financial goal is to save 3-6 months of living expenses (Dave Ramsey's Baby Step #3).  But ultimately I want to be contributing more to my retirement (Dave Ramsey's Baby Step #4); I just feel like I've been lax on this up to now and I don't want to struggle to survive in retirement.

My HUGE goal is to replace my current income with my own freelance writing career.  I don't expect that to happen the day after tomorrow.  But I'm willing to work at it for a few years.  I want to know if I can own my own business and survive at that.  But even if I don't ever feel comfortable living off that income alone, it should be an excellent side business to help me save up for specific things that are important to me.

So if you know anyone that has a website that needs a blog... If you know anyone who needs a website with excellent content to drive customers to their site... If you know anyone who needs articles or editing or any other writing support, pass on my name... or pass their names on to me.  I'm willing to take them on as a client to build my writing repertoire.

Blue Skies

A couple of months ago, I started using weather pictures to describe the way I felt.  Check out this post, and this one, and this one, and this one, and this one.  So today... lately, that is... would be sunshiny blue skies... with flowers!

I haven't had a depressive episode since May 19th.  And I feel GREAT!  Even though we've had inches of rain lately, wind, lightning, flash flooding, and power outages due to nasty weather, my mental and emotional health has been full of sunshine.

I wish I could take credit for it, but I'm not completely convinced that I can.  In addition to taking my anti-depressants, I've been saying daily prayers that speak specifically to my depression and feelings of total darkness.  And I've gone back to taking my doTerra supplements.  I've recommitted to hitting 10,000 steps every day.  And I'm reading my bible most days; my plan is to read the New Testament this summer.  I'm also reading Jon Acuff's "Do Over", which is all about getting a do over in life, possibly changing careers and such.  It's very positive and offers hope.  Maybe those things are working.  Maybe I'm just lucky right now and my brain chemicals are behaving themselves.

I've also taken on an old hobby.  Writing.  And I think it's doing me good.

I used to write all the time.  I'd write journal entries or blog entries, or I'd start writing a novel... that I'd never finish.  I've started several novels that I never finished.  Mostly I did it because I enjoyed it, not necessarily to make money off of it.

But lately, I've been drawn to writing of a different sort... freelance writing.  I've found a couple of free online courses.  I've found a supportive Facebook group.  And I'm learning how to go about writing for money.  Not only is it keeping my mind sharp... and busy... and distracted.  But I figure I can knock out Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps 2 (paying off all debt except the mortgage) & 3 (saving 3-6 months of living expenses) with the money I make.

I don't know exactly what's keeping me on the sunny side of emotional health right now.  But I'm here to tell you, with a smile on my face, that you couldn't PAY ME to stop the prayers, the supplements, and the research and exercises in writing.  Pray with me that this season lasts for quite some time.

Happy New Year!

It's been about six weeks since I last posted a blog entry.  And really I was just posting seven-word statuses on most Saturday's and a reading from the weekend mass line-up on Sunday's.  I wasn't putting a whole lot of thought into it and I wasn't sharing much of anything.

So welcome to my blog in 2014... that is, if I still have any readers.

I've decided to be a little more real.  I'm not going to worry so much about who I might offend.  I'm not going to try to be someone I'm not.  I'll probably share things that the average person didn't know about me.  And I'll share my opinions too.  My REAL opinions, not some watered down, expected point of view.  I want to know who I am as a writer, where I stand.  And I think I'm finally okay with my reader knowing that too.

So this is what I wrote at this time last year.  I'm not sure when I lost site of that plan.  But I'm recommitting.  I have things in my world that I want to fix.. my health and fitness, my budget/savings/retirement, my home/environment.  And I have things I want to let go of.  I want to be truer to myself... and happy with who I am.  If I don't like it, I'm going to change it.  Period!

Bring on 2014!

Nagging Need to Write

All day today, I've had this nagging need to write something.  The only problem was, I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to be writing.

I regularly write a journal entry.  Pen or pencil and paper.  Not every day, but most.  So, I started there.  But I got busy and never even finished it!  Needless to say, it didn't scratch that itch.

I ran through several of the stories that I've started over the years, thinking maybe I needed to kick out a chapter or two.  Or maybe I needed to 'fix' a character or elaborate on a setting.  Something!  But none of my current works-in-progress was speaking to me.

I considered that perhaps I needed to start something new.  But NOTHING interesting was coming to me.  Not to mention, I couldn't even decide fiction, non-fiction, rant, interest article, etc.

So ultimately, I'm creating a blog entry...about needing to write.  Essentially this blog entry is about nothing.  And I still feel the need, the out-right desire to practice my craft.  I'm getting that burning in my core to WRITE!  I think I'll resume my Exercises in Writing until it comes to me.

Therapeutic Writing

Okay, I know that this might be right out of left-field for those I haven't talked to in the past week. Others may not know about the last week or so, but may know enough history to not be surprised by this plan. But I think I have a solution to some recent goings-on in my world.

I'm going to write about it!

Have you seen the movie, "Something's Gotta Give"? Diane Keaton's character is heart-broken by Jack Nicholson's character. She writes a whole play/musical about their short, but eventful tryst. She's seen sobbing for days as she writes about it. But it's very healing. And ultimately, the show is a huge hit!

So, it crossed my mind to write about the whole situation between me and Jeff and Jeff's father (my ex-husband) and his current family.

I didn't get the idea during one of the many times I watched the movie. It came to me last night when I was trying to come up with some way to turn this situation into something more positive. It crossed my mind that I could take all this pent up emotion and my desire to write and spin a tale about the whole ordeal. A tale that would be somewhat factual and somewhat entertaining. Perhaps we too could write a play or a musical or a book that would make money, make people laugh, and make Mike and others like him think about their actions.

I could use the experience to cleanse me, heart and soul...as I'm still find reasons to beat myself for choosing so poorly a man to start a family with. The money could put Jeff through school. And hopefully the notoriety will embarrass the heck out of Mike. Okay, that last one wouldn't be the primary goal...but it would be a nice ancillary benefit.

I like it! I'll start writing chapter outlines right away.

I can't wait to share the idea with Jeff.