Ten Years

Although I've been inconsistent sometimes... Although I've simply copied and pasted sometimes... Although some of my blog posts are only seven words long... I've been blogging to Scripted Notions for ten years.  Actually, it'll be ten years next month.  But I thought that was something to be celebrated.  So celebrate with me as we take a look back at what the heck I've been talking about!


In 2008, I was complaining about an all-day headache.  I was also practicing inconsistent parenting.  I was very frustrated that day.  You can read all about it here.


In 2009, I didn't actually post on the 26th, but around that time I was complaining about being tired, sleeping my weekend away, and being a lazy bum.  You can read about that here.


In 2010, I didn't post on the 26th.  In fact, I only had one post during the entire month of August and it was my Mary Kay I-Story.  We all came up with a story that expressed why we chose to do Mary Kay.  I published mine on my blog.  I no longer do Mary Kay, but you can read about it here.


In 2011, I didn't post on the 26th, but that month, I thought I was in love.  Let me tell you this about that... I totally made up that relationship in my head.  I wanted to be in love, but I was the only one.  You can see that post here.


In 2012, it was a Sunday and I was posting about one of the readings I'd heard at mass that weekend.  So in this post, you'll read Joshua 24, Decide today whom you will serve.


In 2013, I didn't post on the 26th.  But around that time is when I decided to go gray.  I haven't colored my hair since then... and probably never will again.  See that post here.


In 2014, I didn't post on the 26th, but I was all about posting psalms at that time.  So you can read that here.


In 2015, I didn't post on the 26th, but I was rejoicing about being depression free for three months in a row.  You can read about that here.


This year, I've been depression free for over eight months.  I have a new job that I've been doing for about three months now and I'm really enjoying it.  It's very challenging, but good.  Really good, in fact.  Callan is three, sweet and smart and such a joy to be around.  Xavier is five months, growing like a week, and learning to say mama.  I just bought a new car and I'm rereading all of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels.  Life is good.  Life is very good in my world right now.

Beachbody Ultimate Reset, Day 7

FIRST THING
I feel GREAT today.  I know, I've said that before.  And today, it might have more to do with today's lunch date.  I worked from home today because my son was going to be in town and wanted to do lunch.  Even on the Reset, I was NOT going to turn down lunch with my very favorite person on the planet.  He loves Los Bravos, so that's what we did.  So, it was a 'cheat', but I was as good as I could have been.  And I wouldn't give it up for the world!  Had a WONDERFUL time with Jeff!

HOW I FEEL
I slept really well again last night.  A late dinner and being wiped out after work yesterday, ensured that I got to bed early.  And I really slept soundly!  So between that, working from home, enjoying today's menu, and hanging with 'the boy', I really had the best day of my Reset so far!

TODAY'S MENU
Breakfast was pretty much as scheduled.  Lunch was Los Bravos with Jeff.  And because that meal was heavier than the normal, I had my microgreen salad for dinner.  All in all, it was lovely.

Breakfast:  steel cut oats with agave nectar, walnuts, and kiwi

Lunch:  Mexican grilled chicken salad...lettuce, tomato, grilled bell pepper, grilled chicken (which I shouldn't have eaten, but I did), shredded cheese (which I shouldn't have eaten, but I did), onion, and avocado

Dinner:  microgreen salad with lettuce, green pepper, tomato, mushroom, carrot, and vinaigrette

WEIGHT
This morning's weigh-in: 209.0
That's another 0.4 lb loss, putting me down 8.8 lbs total.

INTERESTED?
If you are interested in trying any of these programs or learning more about them, you can check them out...Beachbody fitness programs, Shakeology, Ultimate Reset.

Jeff is 21!

My baby turned 21 yesterday. Twenty-one! I'm not sure when I got old enough to have a 21-year-old. But in looking back, I can't really remember my life without him. Sure I remember being a kid and going to school, living with my parents and all. But sometimes I feel like my life didn't really begin until I was grown up and knew what I wanted to do with it. And Jeff has always been a part of that life.

Being a parent was not always my favorite thing. Probably because there were times when I really didn't feel like I was all that good at it. And Jeff has not always been a joy to parent. But he's come a long way. And I have to admit, he's a cute kid and a pretty funny guy. He makes me laugh! And I love it when I can make him laugh too.

Oh, and I taught him how to give a great hug. So, he's got that going for him. And he gets to practice every time he sees me. Gotta love that!

We don't live in the same town anymore, so I don't get to see him as often as I'd like. But I think about him every day. He's definitely one of my favorites.

Thank you, Lord for blessing me with Jeff.

NEWSLETTER

I know, it's been awhile.  So, I'm going to catch you up on lots of things.  Call it a "newsletter", like the ones you get in Christmas cards.


Relay for Life is over for the year.  As usual, the Luminaria Ceremony was beautiful, so peaceful.  I walked the silent lap with a dear friend whose dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer.  The rain chased us in around 1am and there we stayed until the sun came up.  Ultimately we raised more than $30,000!  Way to go, Martin County!






I got a card in the mail last week from Thy Word Network.  They just wanted me to know that my name was pulled to be one of the people they pray for by name.  How amazing is that?!  I was still stressing about my latest phone call with Jeff (see below) and a little anxious about my two week trip to be evaluated on my knowledge of ERP.  So, the prayers were welcome...and truly appreciated.  It totally made me smile.  And the homemade card is beautiful!

Jeff has made a huge decision for his life.  It's personal to him.  So I don't feel all that comfortable sharing the details on the world wide web.  But suffice it to say, I'm very proud of him.  I don't think he realizes how much I believe in him.  His first call to me was very positive.  His second call to me was very negative.  I haven't talked to him in over a week.  But I've written to him and hope to hear from him again soon.  Prayers for Jeff!

It was SummerFest weekend in Loogootee this past weekend.  I went with a friend Thursday night.  I had plans with the 89ers Friday night and after singing at mass and then with the MarCo's Saturday night, I needed to pack and rest for my trip.  So, Thursday was the best day for me to attend.  It happened to be the night of the auction.  ...I walked away with a red love seat.  I love it and it looks GREAT in my living room.  Friday, I stopped by Englert's and ordered a rug.  When I get home from travel next week, I'm ordering a recliner.  My apartment is definitely coming together.

Like I said, Friday night I went to dinner with the 89ers.  This time, we went to Bobe's and then Scoops in Washington.  GREAT time!  We had a couple of newbies.  Peggy came down from Indy and Tammy came down from near Bloomington.  It was the first time they had both joined us and we had a lot of fun getting to know them again.  I hope they join us more often.

I think I had a migraine early (and I mean EARLY) Friday morning.  I woke up at 3am with a horrible headache.  Within 30 minutes, I was vomiting.  It wasn't until after 4am that I finally fell asleep again.  But still, I woke up with a headache.  Went to work for much of the day, but wore my shades most of the morning.  Finally, one of my co-workers asked if maybe my headache was a migraine.  Made perfect sense!  That's the first bad one I've had in several years.  By the time I went home I was feeling TONS better.

I'm traveling again.  Business, not pleasure.  I chose to drive this time, as opposed to flying.  I figured that since I was going to be here for two weeks, I'd like to have my car with me.  I'd be able to come and go as I pleased and even make it to church.  But I've been here since Sunday night and haven't moved my car even one time.  I'll probably get out and explore some Friday.

Every once in awhile I ask someone if they pray.  Either I'm asking for prayers or I want to share something with them that they'd really only appreciate if they're actively Christian.  I think it's safe to say that I've asked that question dozens of times.  Monday for the first time ever, when I asked someone if she was a praying woman, I received the response, "no".  I was surprised by the answer, mostly because I'm usually surrounded by people who pray.  But I didn't hold it against her or even show that I was surprised.  What I did was share the bible verse with her anyway!

I got a Facebook friend request yesterday that really surprised me.  I accepted the request.  And I'm looking forward to seeing what comes of that relationship.  And that's all I have to say about that...for now.

Prayers for Jeff

Jeff called me tonight. He's having a bad day...though he might argue that he's having a bad life...and needed an encouraging word or two.

I don't know if I had enough of them.

This is when my shoulders fall and my face looks upward as I sigh. Praying for healing for the boy.

Happiness is... A BIRTHDAY!

Today, I turned 40. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I don't have any big hang-up's about my age usually. Well, not on MY birthday anyway. I'm usually much more affected on JEFF'S birthday.

When he hit double digits, I couldn't believe I was old enough to have a ten-year-old. I had the same thoughts when he hit other milestones...teenager, driving age, ADULT! And in less than three months, his age will start with a 2!!! Do I look...OR ACT...old enough to have a 20-year-old child?! Yeah, I didn't think so either.

At any rate, 39 was NOT my favorite age. Here's to 40 being an upgrade!

I'll Stay by Cadia

I've said it before; I'm sure I'll say it again...

Music is vital to me.

I can define certain times in my life by songs that were important to me at the time. I use music to help me define the characters that I write about. And I have songs that I associate to the people who are close to me, usually because the words are very poignant.

A while ago, I blogged about music that defined how I felt about Jeff at different times in my life. Well, I have a new one. Between yesterday's blog and today's song, I'm sure you'll understand that Jeff continues to be a bit of a challenge for me.

Introducing "I'll Stay" by Cadia. Enjoy!

My Biggest Regret

I know we all have regrets. Some are big: I wish I hadn't gotten behind the wheel after drinking so much. Some are little: I wish I wouldn't have eaten that piece of chocolate cake. Some are valid: I wish I would have finished my degree. And some aren't so much: I wish I would have mowed last night so I didn't have to tonight. Regrets come in all shapes and sizes.

My biggest regret is the man I chose to start a family with.

I divorced him 17 1/2 years ago. Even though we shared a son, I didn't want to be married to him any longer. There were times when I regretted not trying harder to keep my marriage together. But in the last year or so, my decision has been affirmed in several different ways.

The last time Jeff saw his dad was high school graduation, nearly a year ago. Mike (the dad) promised to get Jeff a television for his college dorm room. That never happened. In addition, Mike never even saw the college campus, never once made an attempt to visit Jeff there.

The last time Jeff heard his dad's voice was last October. Mike called to ask Jeff if he wanted to go see a UK football game. Jeff thought that he was going to go to the game WITH his dad. But his dad said that he had to work and THAT'S why he was giving the tickets to Jeff. And although he only lived 1 1/2 hours away from Jeff, he chose to FedEx them instead of dropping them by.

The last time Jeff heard from his dad via text, email, or message through Spencer (Jeff's step-brother) was in early February. Mike was finally going to stop by IUS to see Jeff and his home, meet his friends, take him out to lunch, exchange Christmas presents (six weeks late) and Birthday presents (two weeks late). Jeff had been looking forward to it all week. Instead, he gets a text message from his step-brother saying that Mike was going on a date night with his wife (Spencer's mom). So, he hadn't seen Jeff in 8 1/2 months and he'd last seen his wife just a few short hours before. Yet he found it necessary to cancel on Jeff AGAIN in order to go out with his wife. Jeff never got his Christmas presents or his birthday presents and hasn't heard from his dad since then.

This week, Jeff got the opportunity to move back to the area where his dad lives. He'll be living in an apartment with one of his friends there. Jeff called his dad to let him know that he was moving to the area and maybe they could hook up. Jeff called his dad's cell...no answer. He called the house...no answer. He called his dad's work and found out that his dad was off. So, Jeff texted Spencer to find out where his dad was, only to find out that he was home sitting on the couch in the living room watching television. So, Jeff asked Spencer why he wasn't picking up the phone. Spencer said, "Dad told me not to pick up the phone. He wants you to send him an email and he'll get back to you later."

Un-freakin'-believable!

Needless to say, Jeff didn't send that email...and probably never will.

I also kind of regret not getting married years ago and replacing Mike with a much better model. It would be interesting to see how much different Jeff's life would be with a REAL male role model.

I Pray

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...

Well, let's see. Where to start...

He has officially dropped out of school. He got zero credits first semester. I couldn't tell you the last time he attended a class this semester. He was busted for drinking twice in less than five months. He lost two jobs inside of four months. He's a smoker, is obviously drinking, and even admitted to trying drugs. He was pretty much sponging off his girlfriend because he couldn't support himself...and I was tired of enabling/funding his lifestyle.

He abandoned his college dorm... and probably everything in it... to move more than 150 miles northwest (from New Albany to Terre Haute). I have no idea where he's living or if he even has a roof over his head. I don't even know if he's eating.

But I can't give in. I can't keep pulling him from the fire. If he doesn't learn to do it himself, he'll forever struggle in this world. Tough love is...well, tough. I thought it was supposed to be hard on the receiver. But I can attest, it is just as difficult for the giver.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son, for in that there is HOPE; do not be a willing party to his death.

I just keep reminding myself that God has a plan for Jeff. God loves the Boy so much more than I ever could. And He'll take care of him. I have faith. I just have to believe that one day, Jeff will see the light again, come up for air, and allow himself to be loved.

Matthew 18:12-14
“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

Until then, I pray. I pray for patience and wisdom. I pray that I stop beating myself up for Jeff's decisions. I pray for thick skin on the rare occasions that I do hear from Jeff, that I don't let his sometimes venomous words tear out my heart. And mostly, I pray that he finds happy. I so want him to be happy.
My favorite saying is, "Worrying is an insult to God." So, I'm working at NOT worrying. Today, I found this...

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I love it when God speaks to me...and I hear Him.

The Good, the Bad, and the [sigh]

I know it's only the 3rd day of the 2nd month of the year. But thus far, it's left a lot to be desired. In an effort to try to balance the positive with the negative, I must concede that there are three events that I can name off the top of my head that I am absolutely thrilled about.

One, the benefit that I helped organize in January was a HUGE success.

Two, the Colts are playing in the Super Bowl! They can even win it!!!

Three, I'm going on my first cruise ever in 21 days.

But the litany of things I'd change if I had the power?

- the phone calls on the very first day of the year. (Trust me, you don't want to know.)

- finding out the return on investment for Jeff's first semester of college was ZERO!

- anticipating a second court summons in five months. Yep, Jeff again.

- getting tagged for jury duty...for the year!

- having to change employers...even though I am completely satisfied with my current one.

- not sleeping well throughout January...probably because of all the work and stress that comes with organizing a benefit.

- the slow leak in my right rear tire that I haven't had the chance to get repaired...forcing me to stop by the gas station once a week to air it up. (Okay, I have the power to change this one, but I just haven't taken the time to do it yet.)

And did I mention that I will only be an SAIC employee for another two weeks? I am just SO BUMMED by that one. I LOVE being an SAIC employee. It's almost like a death or a divorce. I have been with SAIC longer than any other employer except the Air Force. I have learned so much about taking ownership of my work and my role in the big picture. I will truly miss working for Tom Root and SAIC. [sigh]

Stop the World; I Wanna Get Off!

I have been crazy busy this month. Between work and Jeff and this benefit that I'm helping to organize and my MK, I've been a busy girl. Well, guess what...busy isn't really agreeing with me lately.

I'm losing my patience...with pretty much everyone. I'm overly critical...about pretty much everything. I'm argumentative and defensive in any number of situations. I'm regularly on the verge of tears...I KNOW you've noticed! I'm in NO mood for anything new. And I do mean ANYTHING. If one more person gives me one more thing to do, I'm pretty sure my head will pop right off my shoulders. I know I'm not being my best self. And I hate it!

I know it's gotten to a 'critical point' because I'm trying to isolate myself as much as I can. I hole up in my home (or my car) and ignore my phone and just hope that no one knocks on my door. My brain needs a break. My body needs a break. My whole self...yeah, you guessed it...needs a break.

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury right now. I need to work and I have plenty to do there. If I could just get a good night's sleep, work would actually be a haven, as I would be able to be productive and successful and have something to feel good about. Unfortunately, when I'm stressed, sleep doesn't come easily.

Jeff is a constant concern for me. I worry about him regularly; I don't expect that to change.

This Benefit doesn't happen until Saturday. Six more days. But wow, Friday and Saturday will be HELLA-busy. I hope to sleep ALL DAY Sunday. (On a positive note, I really think it's coming together. But I'll feel SO much better after we've raised thousands of dollars!)

And I've all but put my MK on hold, just trying to keep up with everything else.

I know if I could just sleep, the speed of life would be much more manageable. Ahhh, sleep. My long, lost friend.

So, I've decided that what I need is a good book and a GREAT night's sleep. So, when I get home tonight, I'm going to the library to check out a book I've never read before. TOTAL FICTION. Something that takes my mind completely out of my world and lets me live the life and times of some made-up character for a little while. I'm going to have a light dinner, which will include two Melatonin. Then I'll head to bed with my library book and try to forget about life for awhile. Hopefully sleep will come easier tonight than it did last night.

Happy Birthday, Jeff!

Nineteen years ago today, I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.
You can read more about it here.
At the time, I was married...to a co-worker who looked good in 'blues'. I was active duty in the Air Force. I was young and naïve, yet not at all afraid of motherhood. I was in GREAT shape (as most active duty military members are). I was living in an apartment in Colorado Springs, just a block off Academy Blvd and Austin Bluffs (lots of traffic, lots of noise, lots of life going on). I wasn't much for being active in my community, but I was in my unit and my church. I was living one day at a time and enjoying it. And on this day nineteen years ago, I could spend hours staring at the marvel of the tiniest fingers I had ever seen.

My, how times change.
Today, I'm single...divorced actually...and haven't spoken to my ex in eight months. And I have no intention of ever speaking with him again. I also have no intention of dating a co-worker, let alone marrying one! Even at 39, I still think I act pretty young most of the time. But I am far from naïve. I'm battle worn and experienced and cautious. That comes with raising a teenager, I'm told. Speaking of, I have no intention of having any more children. I'm no where near "in shape"...well, except to say that round is a shape. I am buying a home that I hate everything about (especially it's proximity to the high school) and I don't take very good care of it as a result (shame on me; I really need to change that). But except for having to hear all the kids partying in the high school parking lot, life is pretty quiet in my neck of the woods. I am active in my community and my church. And my faith is much stronger than it was back then. Good thing too, because I rely on it a lot!

And the thing that amazes me most about my son now? ...how he practically defines the fine line between charming and manipulative, ...how he can be so smart yet so confused about where to go and what to do with his life, ...and how he has no problem putting forth effort getting OUT of responsibility instead of just DOING whatever is expected of him.

Sorry, Jeff. I call 'em like I see 'em.

He's still my very favorite Jeff in the whole wide world. Maybe even the universe! He IS smart. And can be very sweet and charming. He's so witty and makes me laugh. I love that! He has more potential than he realizes. And I have no doubt that one day he's going to set the world on fire...at least his little corner of it.

I'm looking forward to those days. I believe he'll get there. I just have no idea when.

Happy Birthday, Son-ray! I hope you have a great one!

Therapeutic Writing

Okay, I know that this might be right out of left-field for those I haven't talked to in the past week. Others may not know about the last week or so, but may know enough history to not be surprised by this plan. But I think I have a solution to some recent goings-on in my world.

I'm going to write about it!

Have you seen the movie, "Something's Gotta Give"? Diane Keaton's character is heart-broken by Jack Nicholson's character. She writes a whole play/musical about their short, but eventful tryst. She's seen sobbing for days as she writes about it. But it's very healing. And ultimately, the show is a huge hit!

So, it crossed my mind to write about the whole situation between me and Jeff and Jeff's father (my ex-husband) and his current family.

I didn't get the idea during one of the many times I watched the movie. It came to me last night when I was trying to come up with some way to turn this situation into something more positive. It crossed my mind that I could take all this pent up emotion and my desire to write and spin a tale about the whole ordeal. A tale that would be somewhat factual and somewhat entertaining. Perhaps we too could write a play or a musical or a book that would make money, make people laugh, and make Mike and others like him think about their actions.

I could use the experience to cleanse me, heart and soul...as I'm still find reasons to beat myself for choosing so poorly a man to start a family with. The money could put Jeff through school. And hopefully the notoriety will embarrass the heck out of Mike. Okay, that last one wouldn't be the primary goal...but it would be a nice ancillary benefit.

I like it! I'll start writing chapter outlines right away.

I can't wait to share the idea with Jeff.

Tired Baby Girl

I was so excited that nearly every morning when I woke up last week, I felt rested. It's been awhile since I've felt that good that many mornings in a row.

Well...THAT has come to an abrupt end! Today, I am a tired baby girl.

I know I stayed up too late watching the Giants beat the Cowboys. And unfortunately, I intend to watch football again tonight. The COLTS' one and only Monday Night Football game AND the two-hour premier of "House". Why on earth did those two events have to be scheduled on the same night?! Last night, I tossed and turned so much, I pulled the sheets off my bed. I don't remember having any traumatic dreams. But for some reason, my body just wasn't restful. I hope that changes for tonight.

Jeff was home for the weekend. I didn't see him much, but I'm sure he was there. We went to dinner Friday night at Los Bravos. Just like old times. We sat and talked for about half an hour after we'd stopped eating. Then he went to the volleyball game and I went home to veg out. He got home after I'd gone to bed. Saturday, I worked all day and then went to an Emmaus Candlelight. Jeff slept until noon and then hung out with friends until well after I was in bed. Sunday, I sang at mass with the choir while Jeff slept in. We did spend the afternoon together...at my parents'. We had dinner with them before Jeff headed back to school. So, we shared a couple of meals. He seems to be doing well. And I think he enjoyed his weekend home.

It's September 21st. That means we have less than ten days of the fiscal year left to get everything ready for the next fiscal year. So far, so good. I've been able to keep up with everything that's been handed to me to do...by working a couple of Saturday's. I'm sure things will start getting a little crazy here. But if I can just get some restful sleep, I think I'll be okay. I have a feeling that this coming weekend is going to be a little crazy.

So much to say...

I know I've really been an inconsistent blogger of late. Well today, I'm doing my part to make up for it. So, get comfortable.

SLEEP
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm not a good sleeper. Well, Tuesday at work, I was so darn tired, I left an hour early just to go home and go to bed. I didn't get to bed until around 7pm, but I slept the better part of 12 hours. TWELVE! Who even knew there were 12 hours available in a day to sleep. But I did it. And today, I feel wonderful! I'm ready to take on the world!

WORK
Work is good. Today is the first day of September. For folks that work in the Comptroller Department (or any financial role, for that matter) for a government agency, this is when the heat is turned up. The goal is to clean up, close out, and balance every number you come across. I'm not really a financial person, per se. But I'll keep busy updating a records for the latest 'evolution'. Being a 'systems person', I can update data from the 'back end' much easier than it can be done through the user interface. So, that's where my time will be spent.

Today, the entire Comptroller Department had our end-of-year kick-off/cook-out at the Marina. Lunch was paid for by the managers and prepared by our three young, male accountants. The food was good. The weather was perfect. And then we went out for a boat ride, chauffeured by the comptroller himself. It was so nice. I love my job!

WEEKEND PLANS
After getting all that sleep, I'm ready to take on the task of painting my house. I know, it's about time! Well, the weather has been so darn pleasant. And the work has been begging to be completed. So, hopefully by the end of my 3-day weekend... The house will be painted, the falling guttering will be down, the lawn will be mowed, the weeds and other foliage around the house will be whacked down, and the carport will be orderly. It'll be a lot of work, but it definitely needs to be done. And I'm looking forward to it!

THE BOY
Monday - Jeff calls to tell me that he has another kidney stone. It's on his right side again. I can't believe that he could have developed another one since May. It was making him sick, but it seems to be moving along its little path now.
Tuesday - Jeff calls me to tell me that he's totally stressed and is ready to quit school. That's the second Tuesday in a row that I've heard that story. I told him to hang in there. I'm pretty sure his biggest stressor is that he doesn't have a job. So, I told him to expand his search.
Wednesday (today) - Jeff calls me again. (We never talked this much when we were living together.) He sounded SO MUCH BETTER than yesterday. I think it's because he's looking into on-campus employment. That will be great for him since he doesn't have a car. He won't get many hours and he may lose his job to a work-study candidate next semester. But still, it'll fit his immediate need. He also told me that while eating puppy chow last night, his tongue swelled up to fill the inside of his mouth. They think he has a peanut allergy. He's never been a fan of peanut butter, but he hasn't avoided nuts in other forms. Yet he's never shown this kind of reaction before. So, they gave him tons of Benadryl and the swelling finally went down. So, now he has to avoid peanuts. Amoxicillin and peanuts.

THEME SONG
In the spirit of Ally McBeal, I have decided that I need a theme song. I'm ashamed to say, I can't remember what Ally chose as her 'theme'. I just remember that her therapist told her that it didn't fit her at all. Ally was completely offended that this doctor person would shoot down her theme song. Well, my theme song this week is "Awaken" by Natalie Grant. It's upbeat and fun. And the first verse just hit me. It goes like this...


Sometimes I feel like I'm just existing
I'm not really living
I'm only watching the time slip away
I've forgotten who I am in You
I'm not who I'm meant to be, Lord
I'm drifting farther away from my destiny

[chorus]
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken Your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for You, Lord
Awaken me

My interpretation of a cat...

It's a good thing I'm going to work tomorrow. I haven't accomplished a darn thing all weekend long. I have been completely unmotivated, tired, an all-around lazy bum. It's shameful, really. I hope it's not going to be a habit. I feel like I've been sleeping my weekends away for weeks now. That has to stop. I have way too much to accomplish to be sleeping all weekend long. I'm hoping that with Jeff at school (reducing my need to wonder and worry about where he is and what he's doing) and work getting busy with the end of the fiscal year coming up (allowing me to be productive and to keep the days moving quickly), that my sleep patterns will level off. I'm also recommitting to taking my Reliv twice a day. That should help. And I have to make myself walk everyday. Only good things can come from that. In fact, I should go walking right now. I should get off my butt and walk for at least two miles. But I'm already in my PJ's. Actually, I'm still in my PJ's from last night. But it seems silly to change clothes now, so late in the day...right? See, that's what I'm talking about. With little to no effort (because that's about the speed I'm moving this weekend), I quickly rationalized with myself to take the lazy way out. Really...shameful! As if I needed another reason to NOT go walking, I'm afraid that increasing my endorphin levels will only prove to keep me awake tonight. And I definitely want to get a good night's sleep. In fact, I'm already negotiating when to take my Melatonin. I'll walk tomorrow. After I work. Work, then walking. I'll be productive all day tomorrow. : )

48 Hours

Jeff called me today. Several times apparently. I slept much of the day and missed the two messages he left on my cell phone and the one message he left on my answering machine. I haven't checked my voicemail at work yet, but it's possible he left a message there too.

When he was here, I NEVER heard from him. He's been gone all of 48 hours and I already have three messages from him. Go figure! At any rate, I returned his call.

First, he wanted to tell me that he's LOVING college. I was so glad to hear that. His roommates are cool. He and Gage have stocked the fridge and should be good on food for weeks. (uh-huh, yeah right...lol) They've met so many kids and he says that everyone in their lodge is so cool. I'm thrilled that he's settling in so well.

Let's hope the same is true once he actually starts classes.

Second, he asked for money. I knew it would happen. And I was kind of betting with myself how long it would be before he asked. Now I know...about 48 hours. I asked him if this was going to be a regular occurrence. He promised it would just be the first week. I just had to smile.

He mentioned that they went to a fraternity party. Great, his first fraternity party. He was really impressed with a lot of the guys he met there and the networking they do. So, he's considering pledging. Pi Kappa Alpha, I think. But don't hold me to that. It's not a fraternity house; these kids still live in the dorms. So, it's more like a club that meets weekly, helps each other out in and out of school, and does good things for the campus and the community. Jeff was really stoked about it. The best part to me? He has to maintain a specific GPA in order to be a member of the fraternity. I like that!

He said he's going to call me again Monday night to let me know how his first day of classes went. Monday and Wednesday are LONG days for him. Four classes, the first one starting at 8am; the last one ending at 7:15pm. Tuesday, he has NOTHING. Thursday, he only has his Chem lab all afternoon. Friday, he only has an hour and 15 minutes of Chemistry.

I have to say, I always enjoyed school. But of all the classes that I took, I liked my science classes the least...outside of my computer classes. Biology was okay, I guess. But I struggled with Chem I; I practically failed Chem II. I haven't taken a natural sciences class since my junior year in high school. Jeff, on the other hand, has Chemistry four out of five days a week for his first semester of college. Yuck! Better him than me, that's all I have to say!

HOME ALONE!

So, I dropped Jeff off at college today. Okay, I didn't just drop him off. We drove an hour and a half, moved everything from the car to the dorm room, unpacked him and made his bed, purchased more than $500 worth of books, and went to dinner.

THEN I LEFT HIM THERE!

He gave me a hug. I held him awhile. But no tears.

Really, we were both ready for this transition. And it's not like this is the first time he's been away from me. He's been traveling back and forth between my home and his father's home for 17 years. In fact, he lived with his dad for two years during his sophomore and junior years in high school. I totally had a meltdown when he left then. But this time, not so much.

Not at all, actually.

Quote of the Day

While explaining the no-tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol, the Grove Lodge 2nd floor CA (community assistant), a student named Doug said:

"If you get caught with drugs, the result of your disciplinary hearing is that you WILL get kicked off campus. So, don't bring them here."

I immediately responded...loud enough for everyone to hear... "Don't DO them at all!"

I'm pretty sure his message wasn't, "Leave your drugs off campus." And I felt compelled to make that point out loud.

It's happening again...

So much to talk about, can't choose a topic.
I could write half a dozen posts with appropriate titles on each one. Or I could just write one post with a fairly generic title.
I chose the latter.
Speaking of, do you know when you use 'latter' and when to use 'former'? Those English Grammar rules always came pretty easily to me. I can't remember exactly when I learned this one, but it's another one of those things I never forgot. So, here's the rule... When listing two different choices like THIS and THAT, THAT is the latter and THIS is the former. The Latter is always the Last one listed. The Former is always the First one listed. See what I did there? Latter - Last. Former - First. My grammar teachers would be so proud of me for remembering that...and correctly using it.
Have you ever heard of Reliv? I never had until my cousin Amy called me last week. I ended up attending an information session about it at her home last Thursday. Honestly, it didn't matter to me what the 'professionals' said to me during that session. I was ready to commit to trying it based solely on Amy's sales pitch. Reliv is a nutritional supplement, combining a wide range of powerful nutrients in precise arrangements, allowing them to strengthen one another and provide greater health benefits than they would individually.
I don't want to get into the details of Amy's health, but when she described to me all the improvements she was feeling just after a few weeks of taking these supplements, I was amazed. She knows that I have aches and pains, that I don't sleep well and that I'm tired all the time, and that I want (and need!) to lose weight. What she probably didn't know was that I don't eat all that well and I don't take very good care of myself. Anyway, she asked me to try these products. So, I am. And I'm looking forward to realizing some of the same benefits that Amy has. It's only been a few days, but I'll keep you posted.
I paid the balance owed for my cruise in February. WooHoo! Six months away! Between work and MK, football and Christmas shopping, I'm sure the time will fly!
My son just called me. He left my house at 11pm Monday to hang with the guys at the high school. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn't been home since then. He didn't say anything Monday night about not coming home. The only thing I got from him Tuesday was a text message around 6pm about being in W'ton with friends (I don't know which friends). He finished the message by saying he'd call back later. Again, he gave me no indication that he wasn't coming home. Nor did he call back later. Well, not until 20 HOURS later. When he called (just after 2pm), he said he just woke up. I didn't ask him where he was. Probably should have.
We just had this discussion a few weeks ago when he was gone for more than a day, about how he owes me the consideration of a phone call when he's going to be gone so long (or not come home at all) just so I don't worry. Apparently he doesn't remember that conversation or doesn't care if I worry about him. But get this! The only reason he called me this afternoon was to ask me if I cared if he spent a few days in Evansville with friends. (I don't know which friends.) I was shocked that he even asked! But I told him I still wanted to know where he'd been the last 48 hours and why he didn't think to call and tell me he wasn't coming home. His only argument was that he sent a text message...to which I replied...and he ignored. I told him that I was done caring where he went. What I WANTED to say was, "Please, GO! And don't worry about coming back. I'm changing the locks." But I wimped out. And he just crawls in through a window anyway.
I wonder how long he really plans to be gone. I wonder if he remembers that he has two doctor's appointments Friday. I wonder if I'm obligated to remind him. Hmmm, I don't even know how I'd get in touch with him to do that reminding anyway. Well, that answers that question.

Hello, World!

I know, it's been awhile. Boy, when I take time off, I take time off! It's crossed my mind to blog a few times, but I just couldn't settle on one topic. So much going on. So I finally decided, why settle on one topic?!
I have a question. What's the difference between Partly Sunny and Mostly Cloudy? By the same token (and you HAD to know this was coming), what's the difference between Mostly Sunny and Partly Cloudy? To me, each pair seems pretty synonymous. I mean really, is there some teeny-tiny, minuscule detail that separates the definition of those two descriptions? I don't know that the average person would be aware of this difference. Personally, I'd stick with the more positive of the two, Partly Sunny or Mostly Sunny...unless of course, we've waited WEEKS for a good rain. Then I'd go with Mostly Cloudy or Partly Cloudy. I'm just saying.

My Mary Kay director asked me to make a list of any women in my life that I'd be willing to call just to let them know that I was a new MK Consultant, ask them if they already had/needed a MK Consultant, and see if they wanted to try any of our latest products. So, I spent one evening last week writing down names. I'm not sure how many names she was expecting, maybe a dozen or two. She was speechless and maybe even stopped breathing for a few seconds when I handed her a list of 137 names. She said that she has active, successful consultants in her unit that don't have that many customers. Granted, not all of my 137 names will become customers. I know that some of them already have a consultant, or at least they used to. And I'm sure that there are still others that prefer a different brand name. But still, it gives me a great place to start.

My latest mantra:
With every day that you do something in support of your goals, regardless of the effort expended, you make progress. With every day that you don't, you fall behind. Which do you prefer?

I think of this with respect to my goals concerning diet, exercise, bible reading, household chores, my MK business, and savings. Every.Baby.Step. Moves me closer to my goals. So, why not accomplish even just one little baby step every day. Granted, bigger steps will get me there faster. But the point is, doing nothing is NEVER the right answer. Do something. Anything!

I'm upset with Jeff again. He pulled another stunt that I simply have no patience for. He knows I'm disappointed. I hate to use that word when describing another person, but in this instance, it fits. Instead of arguing with me and turning it around so that it's my fault (which he's VERY good at), he actually looked remorseful. I didn't even know how to react to that, it was so uncharacteristic of him. He didn't apologize to my face, but did via voicemail several hours after I confronted him. He even said that he'd try to rectify the situation. I don't know if I believe that. I'm for sure not holding my breath. But honestly, it was refreshing to hear that response rather than what I was expecting from him. Then again, Jeff is a master manipulator. One of the best. So, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it was all an act so that I'd stop yelling at him. That's my boy!

I think it's safe to say that my 20-year class reunion was a success. Thank God! I know I had a good time. And I've had several positive comments from classmates. We had a mixer Friday night at the K of C. I expected a dozen or so people. We had 18 classmates and many of them brought dates! We made a lot of noise and had a really good time. Then Saturday, we had 32 classmates (57 people with guests) signed up to come. Two of our classmates didn't make it. But three that hadn't signed up came after dinner. Excellent food. Silly prizes. Hours of 80's hair band music and dancing (aka aerobics). Then while several went to the 'after party', I went back to the hotel and totally chilled out. Good times.

Another local teenager was killed in a car accident this week. His name is Seth Coy. He graduated from W'ton in '08, I think. He was most recently playing for East Tennessee State University. He was a real likable guy and a crowd favorite, according to everything I've read about him. He was driving from college in TN to his home in IN. Initial reports indicate that he hydroplaned, flipped his vehicle twice, was ejected from his car, and landed in the median. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Another 19-year-old gone too soon. Another funeral with far more young people than old people.