First of all, I've still heard nothing concerning my echocardiogram. Maybe I should call them and simply ask. But between my other appointments, I'm doctored out. I figure if it was bad news, I would have heard about it already. I can wait until the 23rd. Honestly, I'm trying not to take any of this all that seriously. It helps me to NOT stress over it.
I made an appointment with my primary care provider's office last Monday (the 2nd) to get my blood pressure and heart rate measured. Yes, I had to make an appointment. I'll never do that again. I'm not going to call the office for more than an hour just to get through, wait in the lobby for 15 minutes, and pay for an appointment, just for a two minute task of getting my blood pressure and heart rate. Not when I can do it myself. At any rate, my blood pressure was perfectly acceptable at 117/77. And my heart rate was still a whopping 103.
My psychiatrist called me three times last week. One of those conversations took well over an hour. But I'm not going to vent about that. One thing I learned though was that I've been taking my Latuda wrong for more than a year. It says to take it with food. I do. But normally medications tell you that to prevent an upset stomach. I only need a boiled egg or a handful of crackers to avoid any upset stomach and I've never had an upset stomach with my Latuda... so I thought I was doing things perfectly fine. But no. When they say take it with food, they mean 350 calories! Who eats 350 calories at bedtime?! But at Robin's suggestion, I'm drinking an Ensure Plus with my Latuda every night. This is going to kill my diet!
As for my moods... I found myself being both angry and weepy last weekend (the 30th - 2nd). But I've been mostly good since then. Who knows if it was the increase in calories with my Latuda or not. But I feel good. No complaints.
My psychiatrist is going to call me again tonight. Hopefully we don't have another marathon call. I'll tell her I've been taking my Latuda with food and that I've been feeling well, and that my heart rate is still averaging over 100bpm. My guess is that she'll take me off the Fetzima completely. The only thing I don't know is whether or not she'll increase my Latuda to 60mg. My guess is that she won't until next week.
Bottom line, I still feel like a science experiment, and I'm still scared of my next crash. I've credited the medication for making my depressive episodes farther apart and shorter in duration. But I'm trying to enjoy the current feelings of being good. No sign of depression today.
But I have been thinking... what if I come completely off the Fetzima and my heart rate STILL doesn't come down? The assumptions that were made about my medications will be wrong and we still won't know where the actual problem is. Ugh!
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