Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Six Months

I have been depression-free for more than six months.  I had to go back and read a handful of journal entries to know when I fully came out of my last funk.  The best I could tell, that was the first week of December.  That means, more than six months has gone by without me having to endure depression.


That's HUGE for me!


And it's not like the six months have been easy.

  1. I made it through winter, which is particularly dreary and hard for many to deal with, let alone someone with depressive tendencies.
  2. I was working on a contract with a drop-dead date.  We were losing employees regularly to lay-offs or because they simply found other employment.  The pallor at the office was sometimes depressing... and I don't use that word lightly.
  3. I left that job and took another job, filled out paperwork for a security clearance (which I hate doing), and struggled getting my medical insurance turned on again.  New employer, new environment, new tasks, new boss.  New everything!
  4. And probably the worst of all, I lost my dad.


I've had a few weepy days in there, but for the most part, I've been tear-free.


Today, I feel great!  I can't imagine feeling any better emotionally.  Who knew these days could last for six months?  I'm feeling so blessed.


In reading my journal entries from before this happy six months, I came across the following:


Robin, my counselor would keep reminding me that this is just temporary.  This is just temporary.  I've been here before and have gotten out of this before.  This is just temporary.  I can survive this.  Just a little bit longer.  I need something else to focus my mind on.  Then before I know it, this will be past.  This will all be in the past.  And I can live in that happy place again.  Even if for just a little while.  A little while of good is still worth it.  This is just temporary and God still loves me and apparently needs me to get through this.  I can do this.  Just for a little while.  This is just temporary.


I remember typing that.  I remember forcing myself to regurgitate each and every word.  This is just temporary and I can do this.  I remember repeating Robin's words in my head.  And he was right.  It was just temporary.  And now I'm in a happier place.  And that place has lasted more than six months.  I have been blessed with six months of no depression.  What did I do to deserve this?


The fact is, I probably DON'T deserve to be this healthy.  But I'm going to try my best to be grateful for it every day.  Thank You, Jesus!

Friday, June 24, 2016

Just Catching Up

Fitbit:  I've decided to stop wearing my Fitbit.  Actually, I decided that a couple of weeks ago.  And I'm happy to say, I'm glad I did.  I was getting so hung up on how many steps I hit in a day.  It was a little unnerving.  I'm glad to not be tied down to that little contraption any more.  If anyone wants a Fitbit, let me know.  You're welcome to mine.

VBS:  I'm teaching music at VBS at St. John's this week.  The theme is a campout.  The theme song is Kum Ba Ya.  So I've gotten to sing that song SEVERAL times this week.  The preschoolers and kindergarteners have another song... the first and second graders have another song... and the third and fourth graders have another song.  So I really only had to learn four songs.  Dealing with so many kids in such a short period of time wears on me.  I'm just not a kid lover. Looking forward to the week being over.  Only one more night to go.

Work:  My new job is going pretty well.  I'm working on the IT budget.  Not by myself, thank God.  It's enough to keep me busy though.  I'm really happy to be back on the IT contract.  I'm also spending some time studying for my Security + certification.  It's a bit overwhelming, but it gets a little more manageable with every day that goes by.

Health Insurance/401(k) - I've been trying for a couple of weeks now to enroll in both of these with my new company.  I finally got my health insurance lined out yesterday.  I've already racked up $1,200 against my new $4,000 deductible.  I'd like to see it counted.  So I need to figure that out yet.  And I need to call about managing my 401(k).  But I'm working on it.

Mental Health -  I haven't had a depressive day since early in December.  That's six months depression free.  Six months!  My meds are definitely working.  Robin has taught me several things to keep my mind focused on being more positive and dealing with stressors better.  That's definitely working too.  Here's hoping I can go another six months!

Cats -  Mom was on vacation this week so I watched her cats this week.  So I got some feline therapy each morning and afternoon.  Yea, me!  Time spent with Barnaby and Elliott is good for me.