Well, let's see. Where to start...
He has officially dropped out of school. He got zero credits first semester. I couldn't tell you the last time he attended a class this semester. He was busted for drinking twice in less than five months. He lost two jobs inside of four months. He's a smoker, is obviously drinking, and even admitted to trying drugs. He was pretty much sponging off his girlfriend because he couldn't support himself...and I was tired of enabling/funding his lifestyle.
He abandoned his college dorm... and probably everything in it... to move more than 150 miles northwest (from New Albany to Terre Haute). I have no idea where he's living or if he even has a roof over his head. I don't even know if he's eating.
But I can't give in. I can't keep pulling him from the fire. If he doesn't learn to do it himself, he'll forever struggle in this world. Tough love is...well, tough. I thought it was supposed to be hard on the receiver. But I can attest, it is just as difficult for the giver.
Discipline your son, for in that there is HOPE; do not be a willing party to his death.
I just keep reminding myself that God has a plan for Jeff. God loves the Boy so much more than I ever could. And He'll take care of him. I have faith. I just have to believe that one day, Jeff will see the light again, come up for air, and allow himself to be loved.
“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”
Until then, I pray. I pray for patience and wisdom. I pray that I stop beating myself up for Jeff's decisions. I pray for thick skin on the rare occasions that I do hear from Jeff, that I don't let his sometimes venomous words tear out my heart. And mostly, I pray that he finds happy. I so want him to be happy.
My favorite saying is, "Worrying is an insult to God." So, I'm working at NOT worrying. Today, I found this...
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.