Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thank God for Melatonin!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sometimes I have days when I feel utterly useless. I get to the end of the day and wonder what the point of it all was. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished a darn thing. Today is one of those days.
I know I haven’t been sleeping well. And I’m sure that’s been taking a toll on my ability to focus on what I should be doing. Hopefully, that’s all it is today. But I find myself having the most difficult time settling into a task. I’m allowing everything to distract me. My list of things to do keeps growing and I’m not accomplishing any of them because I keep bouncing between tasks.
If I could do anything in the world that I wanted to do right this moment, it would be to sit in one of Julie’s very comfortable lounge chairs under a tree in my yard with a good book. I don’t know how long I’d be able to read before I fell asleep, but I don’t even care. I’d let the birds and the wind-chimes lull me to sleep. Maybe Linus would come and join me. My very own little snuggler.
But it’s only 2pm. I have another 3 ½ hours of work ahead of me, if I’m going to get my 9 hours in today. After that, I have choir practice. Then I need to make a couple of greeting cards for work.
Okay, I’m convinced that my problem today is that I’m simply tired. Moreover, I’m tired of being tired. If I thought that taking a 15 minute nap would help me, I’d go down and take one in my car right now. But I know that I need to sleep for a couple/few hours. And I don’t really have time for that right now. I can’t keep having days where I don’t get much accomplished because I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing. I have got to find a way to get a good night’s sleep.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I did NOT sleep well last night. Not sure why. I got up relatively early this morning and made the 90 minute drive to meet my ex in order to take charge of the boy. Besides being tired, it was a good drive, down there and back. I sang all the way down there, talked with Jeff all the way back. He's back... back to being a Hoosier again. I'M glad he's back. HE'S glad to be back. I think this is a very good thing and I'm truly looking forward to the next year.
Jeff is already out with friends. That didn't take long. I didn't expect that it would. I just hope and pray that he stays out of trouble. I think he has it in him to be a good kid. I also KNOW he has it in him to get into trouble. But I told him today over lunch exactly what I expect of him...a young man that acts like he's going to be a legal adult in exactly seven months from today. He told me I was expecting a lot. I agreed. After sharing that he was stressed about being an adult in such a short time, he grinned. He and I both know that he can pull it off. And I'll assured him that I'd do what I could to help him get there. It's all good. James 1:2-3
Speaking of boys...Linus Felinus bit me two days ago. I was holding him in my arms and his front paws were over my left shoulder. That's when this really big, black dog spooked him. He's a fight or flight kind of guy and wanted desperately to take flight. So, using his jaws as his opposable thumb, he bit me...on the side of my head! I have two puncture wounds about an inch over my left ear. I was amazed at how he could dig his teeth into my scalp. It really hurt at the time; now it just feels like a bruise...and two raised bumps with scabs. It only bothers me when I try to sleep on that side of my head or brush my hair.
When I told my parents this story, my dad asked me where I buried the cat. : ) I assure you, Linus is still with us.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Regularly, I remember my dreams with great detail. The amount of detail amazes people. Sometimes it even amazes me. But I love that. In fact, if I go too many days without remembering my dreams, I miss them. They’re like old friends to me. I wish I knew what made me remember them or not. I’d do whatever I could to control my ability to remember them more often. I truly enjoy the mini-motion pictures that my mind creates while I sleep…even if I don’t understand their meaning.
Then sometimes, like today and a couple of days last week, I don’t remember my dreams, but flashes of them streak through my mind throughout the day while I’m doing other things. There I am, sitting at my desk minding my own business, literally working on a task directly related to my job, listening to music on my headphones…when all of a sudden, I have a thought that I don’t remember generating on my own. When I stop to try to analyze it or connect it to other thoughts or even try to figure out where it came from, I’m at a total loss.
The first couple of times I found myself in this place, I let it go. But after it occurs several times a day, it becomes quite frustrating. It’s as if I’m being haunted by pieces/parts, fractals of my own dreams.
Then I wonder if those incomplete pieces of my thoughts are trying to tell me something. So, I find myself trying to focus even more on the blurred, rushed, nonsensical pictures in my mind. My eyes are closed. I take deep, cleansing breaths to relax my mind and body. And I just listen in an attempt to recreate the actions just prior to or just subsequent to the one tiny piece of ‘dream’ that I can’t even see clearly. It becomes almost an obsession.
Then sometimes I wonder if maybe the reason I can’t piece it all together is because they’re not my thoughts at all. I wonder if I’m hearing the thoughts of those around me. OR am I seeing a vision or a premonition…something NOT generated in my mind at all, but something from the universe around me. I wonder. I often wonder…
I wonder what it is, what it means. And I wonder if I’ll ever unlock the door to where it comes from.
But my current theory is that it’s all in my head. : ) If I simply spend a little more time each morning annotating my dreams, I honestly believe that I’ll have fewer of these stray, haunting pieces of random thoughts distracting my day. Because I assure you, they aren’t nearly as enjoyable as remembering and reliving my dreams.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
All day Thursday, Jeff was complaining about how often he was going to the bathroom. I didn't think much of it as it was REALLY hot and I'm sure he was drinking plenty just to stay hydrated. Well, by Friday, let's just say he was having difficulty controlling himself. This is when I became concerned. So, we made a doctor's appointment. Honestly, I assumed he had a UTI, would get a prescription for an antibiotic, and that would be the end of it.
While at the doctor, we learned that Jeff has lost 10 pounds since the last time he was there, 18 months ago. Needless to say, it's unusual for a teenage boy who is in great shape to drop ten pounds. His blood pressure was up, but that's not unusual for him. He had a red blood count of 50+; normal should be no higher than 3. And he had tenderness at the sides of his abdomen, though strangely not in his back where one would expect kidney pain. So, between all that and the symptoms that got us there, the doctor was concerned to say the least.
The doctor explained that whereas UTIs are quite common in girls of all ages, they are very uncommon in boys of any age. During the course of the conversation, Jeff mentioned that both of his parents have had kidney stones multiple times. The doctor seemed hopeful for the first time during the appointment and said that kidney stones would be THE BEST diagnosis that he could give Jeff. Before we left, they took a few tubes of blood, which Jeff HATED. The boy does NOT like needles. And we were asked to make an appointment for the following Tuesday. Depending on the results of the lab work and whether or not Jeff passed a stone, we were told to be prepared for additional testing.
I worried about Jeff all weekend and asked for prayers from friends and family. Jeff on the other hand, went on as if nothing had happened. He didn't feel 'great' Friday night, but got better as the night wore on. He even stayed at Relay all night long. Saturday night, he went to a birthday party of a friend. Sunday, he actually hung out around the house with me. And then he went sandbagging in Elnora Monday night with friends to help protect the levee after the rains. Every time I asked him how he felt, he insisted that he was fine.
At Tuesday's appointment, we learned that nothing grew from Jeff's urine culture. So, he didn't have a UTI after all and was allowed to stop taking his antibiotic. We also learned that all of the tests they ran on Jeff's blood came back good. No drugs. Kidney function was good. Liver enzymes looked good. Sugar levels are okay. So, the doctor deduced that Jeff most likely passed a stone on Friday, which would explain why he felt bad Friday and good the rest of the weekend. Then the doctor asked Jeff to lie down on the table so he could poke around on him a bit. When he pushed on the left side of Jeff's abdomen, he flinched. The doctor decided that since the CT was already on the agenda, we should go ahead and follow through with that...just to be sure So, we did.
We had to travel to the hospital. But once his name was called, it only took about five minutes. Three hours later, I got a call that said that Jeff had a kidney stone just leaving his kidney. The doctor said that he didn't expect Jeff to have any problems passing it since it seemed he passed the first one okay. So, besides fighting the pain, we weren't given any marching orders except to come back after a month to ensure there wasn't still blood in Jeff's urine.
Personally, I was THRILLED with the diagnosis. Jeff on the other hand, not so much. Then again, he has to deal with the pain. But I've never been so relieved to hear that it's just kidney stones!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008