Friday, January 8, 2016
First of all, I feel great! I haven't felt this good since I went four months this past summer without a depressive day. I feel really good. Check out my picture... clear skies!
Now tell me, based on those words, would you need to ask me half a dozen questions to determine how good I'm feeling? Making me second guess how I'm feeling? Making me wonder if I have any right to feel that good? Well, my psychiatrist did. So I fired her.
Yes, I did. I fired her.
That wasn't my intention before I got to the appointment. But within five to ten minutes of being there, I never wanted to see that woman again for any reason... ever. And I won't. Out of my life! If I need a psychiatrist, and I think I probably do, then I'm going to have one that I'm comfortable with. Not one that calls me twice a week and makes me cry harder than my depression. Not one that makes me feel like every answer I give isn't good enough. Not her. Not even close.
And I'm done ranting about that.
I finally got out of the middle of the discussion between the cardiologist and the psychiatrist about medication. Obviously the psychiatrist won that battle. I was told not to take the Diltiazem anymore and to see Emily (the cardiologists nurse practitioner) in December. I saw her. My blood pressure and heart rate were down a little, so she doesn't want to see me again until next December. I honestly wondered if my psychiatrist ticked them off and they were doing everything they could to get rid of me. But seriously, my heart rate is now averaging in the high 80's. So I think I'm out of the woods there.
Also in December, I started taking an anti-depressant. I came off the Fetzima because it was blamed for my high heart rate. And even though my new psychiatrist said that my heart rate should drop within 3-5 days, it's still dropping six weeks later, slowly but surely. But I wasn't 100% emotionally on just the Latuda. So she prescribed a low dose anti-depressant, Lexapro 5mg. It's doing GREAT! Really, I haven't felt this good since the summer. I've taken Lexapro before, just not with the Latuda.
So, my heart rate is dropping. It's taking a long time to drop after a workout, like two hours. But on days that I don't work out, my heart rate is staying between 85 - 90bpm. And it's been as low as 76bpm. So all is well there. And my depression is well at bay. So other than looking for a new psychiatrist that will still allow me to keep my current counselor, I'm good. I'm better than good. I'm great!