Wednesday, November 2, 2016
It could be because I've been an insomniac before, getting as little as two hours of sleep multiple nights in a row. But that's been years ago. I haven't fought that kind of insomnia in quite some time.
It could be because I get up at 5am to get to work by 6am. I'm always afraid I won't get enough sleep in before my alarm goes off. But that's usually my fault for staying up too late to watch something I think I need to watch.
It could be because I love my sleep so much... and I love my dreams so much... that I feel like I'm going to miss them if I don't get to sleep right away. That would be sad.
But I think it all comes down to having anxiety about sleep a couple of years ago. My depression was really bad and I was fighting bouts of anxiety every evening about getting to sleep. It was horrible. My whole body would shake and I'd be scared to death. I could feel my heart rate racing in my chest. I'd curl up into a ball and pray and cry. Eventually it would all subside and I'd fall asleep.
I don't fight that depression and anxiety today. Thank God! And I even have a couple of medications that help me sleep. One makes me tired over time, though not as much as it did when I first started taking it. The other makes me want to fall asleep within about half an hour. I use them both wisely. But today, I get sleep.
So it begs the question, why do I still have this unexplainable fear about not getting to sleep EVERY NIGHT? I can't explain it. But as long as it doesn't dredge up the anxiety I remember from two years ago, I can handle it.
Sleep well, my friends. I think we all deserve a good night's sleep.