Wednesday, November 2, 2016


Do you have an unexplained fear?  Something you worry about that doesn't need worried about?  I do.  I worry EVERY NIGHT that I won't get to sleep.  EVERY.NIGHT.

It could be because I've been an insomniac before, getting as little as two hours of sleep multiple nights in a row.  But that's been years ago.  I haven't fought that kind of insomnia in quite some time.

It could be because I get up at 5am to get to work by 6am.  I'm always afraid I won't get enough sleep in before my alarm goes off.  But that's usually my fault for staying up too late to watch something I think I need to watch.

It could be because I love my sleep so much... and I love my dreams so much... that I feel like I'm going to miss them if I don't get to sleep right away.  That would be sad.

But I think it all comes down to having anxiety about sleep a couple of years ago.  My depression was really bad and I was fighting bouts of anxiety every evening about getting to sleep.  It was horrible.  My whole body would shake and I'd be scared to death.  I could feel my heart rate racing in my chest.  I'd curl up into a ball and pray and cry.  Eventually it would all subside and I'd fall asleep.

I don't fight that depression and anxiety today.  Thank God!  And I even have a couple of medications that help me sleep.  One makes me tired over time, though not as much as it did when I first started taking it.  The other makes me want to fall asleep within about half an hour.  I use them both wisely.  But today, I get sleep.

So it begs the question, why do I still have this unexplainable fear about not getting to sleep EVERY NIGHT?  I can't explain it.  But as long as it doesn't dredge up the anxiety I remember from two years ago, I can handle it.

Sleep well, my friends.  I think we all deserve a good night's sleep.

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