Saturday, September 19, 2015

Batten Down the Hatches

Let me first say, I'm not depressed.  I've been weepy nearly daily lately.  And I've outright cried a couple of times this past week.  But I'm not depressed.

I'M ANGRY.  And frustrated.  And a little bit sick and freakin' tired.  And did I mention ANGRY?

I'd just as soon avoid explaining why I feel the way I feel.  I could get myself into trouble if I outright express my real feelings.  And I can't deal with any more stressors right now.  You're just going to have to trust me when I say, I have a few things going on in my world that are getting to me a little too much.  Maybe a lot too much.

A good friend asked me last night how I was doing.  For most people, I would have just said, "fine" and moved on.  But I knew she cared and actually wanted a real answer.  Instead of words, she saw my eyes tear up.  I quickly told her that I've been doing really well, having not had a depressive day since May 19th.  But I wasn't doing well lately due to a few stressful situations in my life.

She quickly reminded me that if I didn't take care of myself, I'd be headed right back to a depression.

I know she's right.  If I don't nip this thing in the bud, I'll be facing my demons.  And I don't want to go there.  I'd do just about anything to avoid going back there.

So I'm battening down the hatches.  No one gets in; no one gets out.  I'm spending the weekend in recovery and spending a lot of time all by myself, which is better for me really.  I'm sleeping and reading and doing a couple of other things I'd just as soon not share on the world wide web.  But know that they're things that will help my situation, if only to make me feel like I'm making positive progress to being/staying emotionally healthy.

One stressor I will share with you... I've called my counselor's office three times in the last three days... and have received no return call.  Nothing.  I run out of meds in less than a week.  I feel like I'm on the edge emotionally.  I need to talk with my counselor and get my meds refilled and I can't get anyone to return my calls.  It not only upsets me, it scares me.

So I've issued a storm warning.  Hopefully the storm passes quickly.

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