In honor of National Suicide Prevention Week, September 5th - 11th, I'm dedicating a blog entry to it. According to an article on The Mighty, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America. We can do something about that.
I'm a firm believer that NO ONE commits suicide for selfish reasons. In all instances, they do it because they think the world would be better off without them. I honestly think that most suicides come from a place of depression, a chemical imbalance.
This may come as a surprise to you, but I've been suicidal before. I can think of two occasions. One was two years ago, the summer of 2014, when I was being weaned off one set of medications and increased on another set of medications. That really messed with my brain chemistry and I was all over the place emotionally. My anxiety was at its worst. The second instance was May 29th, 2015. I wasn't ready to take the action that day, but I had seriously started making a list of all the things that I needed to accomplish before I could take my own life. During both of those times, my depression was speaking for me.
But I'm still here. Due to medication, a great counselor, and a tight knit support group of friends and family. Even though I didn't quite believe it, I listened to people tell me that I make a difference, that God wanted me here, that they wouldn't allow me to end this precious thing called life.
I had multiple people tell me that they wanted that phone call. THAT phone call. The one that says I can't do it anymore. They wanted to be the ones to talk me down, to convince me that I mattered. I have people in my life who wanted to do that. That alone spoke volumes to me. It made me think a different thought. And even though I didn't hold a lot of hope at those times, I held on to what people were telling me... that this time was fleeting, that it was temporary. To hold on until it passed.
And it did. It passed. Both times. In fact, I tell myself that through every depression. That it's only temporary. There's no knowing how long it will last, but it's been temporary EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. That's something I was able to hold on to.
And I'm still here. And right now, I'm depression-free. Sure, I'm medicated and I wouldn't even think about going off my meds. And I talk to my counselor regularly. And I know that my depression can come back at any time. But I'm enjoying my life right now because I HAVE a life right now. Because someone was there for me when I was at my lowest. And I'm very thankful for that.